Poems by Caitlin Gildrien

These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends

by Caitlin Gildrien

From Canary Winter 2018-19

Caitlin lives on traditional territory of the Abenaki at the feet of the Green Mountains, on sandy loam that was once the bottom of an ancient sea.

I don't want to write
about California. I don't want to look.
Did you know there were two new litters
of mountain lions in the Santa Monica mountains?
Mama can only carry one at a time. I don't know
why that's the thing that breaks me. It's the world
that breaks me. We've broken the world.

Just past the tweet that tells me about the kittens
is a thread about Romeo and Juliet,
the Claire and Leo movie version,
and that is what I click through. How I loved that movie,
the fishtank, the kissing. I wanted to live
in a world like that, a world like this world
except slant. Better lighting, better language.

How you can understand it best
by not listening too closely. I think too much.
All the fish in that tank scooped probably from the sea;
how the sea is failing. I wanted to love someone
until they would die for me. I wanted to be the one
they would choose to carry out of the burning world.

When the fish stocks fail, when the Amazon tips
past the point for which it can compensate
with the meager reforestation it is allowed –
there should be nicer language for this in a poem,
I’m sorry. I just keep thinking of Juliet, who thought the sea
was infinite and so a good metaphor for love.
But we’re determined to find the bottom
of any bounty. They thought this continent
was boundless, too, and scraped it clean
to prove themselves its better. They.

Did you see that storm of smoke,
utterly apocalyptic, over the highway?
It makes a person say God. God, lift me
by the scruff. Or the throat, maybe.
All of us, maybe. Shake hard.
Be rough with love.

Previously published in Rattle.